How to make lasagna

I’m sure everyone has his own favorite go-to lasagna recipe, but I’d just like to offer that this really is The Best Lasagna Ever. Part of its appeal is that the ingredients used are totally basic; you don’t have to hunt down fresh basil or buffalo mozzarella or Parmigiano-Reggiano or handmade sausage from from an Italian mama in old Napoli. Anyone can make this, anywhere, anytime. And it’s the easiest thing in the world.

Aside from the simplicity and availability of ingredients, however, this lasagna is just dadgum good.

I’ve made this lasagna for various categories of humans since my mom first scribbled it down for me: men, women, democrats, republicans, dimwits, scholars, and foreign dignitaries. I even donated two pans to a charity auction once. The overwhelming consensus has always been that it’s "The Best Lasagna Ever," which is precisely what I’ve been trying to tell you turkeys. So let’s get started!

The Cast of Characters. See how, um, basic everything is? The recipe even calls for KRAFT Parmesan Cheese, of all things. For goodness sake, please don’t tell Mario Batali.

Are you ready? Here we go…

In a skillet, combine 1 1/2 pounds ground beef, 1 pound hot breakfast sausage, and 2 cloves minced garlic.

Cook until brown.

Then, unless you have a particular fondness for arteriosclerosis and angina and cellulite…

You might consider draining off about half the fat. I like to leave some in there, though, because it tastes better and because I’m a naughty girl. So please don’t be a health nut and drain it all, for pete’s sake.

After that, add two 14.5-oz cans of whole tomatoes, two 6-oz cans of tomato paste…

2 tablespoons of dried parsley flakes, 2 tablespoons dried basil…

And 1 teaspoon salt.

Mix together thoroughly and simmer, uncovered, about 45 minutes…

Stirring occasionally.

In the meantime, boil a 10-oz package of lasagna noodles. Add 1/2 teaspoon salt to the water, as well as 1 tablespoon olive oil to keep the noodles from sticking. Cook the noodles "al dente" so they’ll still have quite a bite to them. When they’re finished cooking, drain, rinse with cool water, and lay the noodles flat on a sheet of aluminum foil. That way, they’ll be easier to handle later.

While the meat mixture and noodles are cooking, mix 3 cups lowfat cottage cheese in a bowl with 2 beaten eggs. IMPORTANT: If the thought of cottage cheese makes you want to rent your garments, take heart: you won’t even know it’s there. Marlboro Man wouldn’t touch cottage cheese with a ten foot pole, yet he loved this lasagna so much…he married me.

To the cottage cheese, add 1/2 cup Kraft Parmesan Cheese…

2 tablespoons dried parsley flakes, and 1 teaspoon salt.

Mix together well.

Now, go ahead and build your assembly line: meat mixture, 1 pound sliced mozzarella cheese, cottage cheese mixture, and cooked lasagna noodles.

Let the assembly begin! Lay four cooked lasagna noodles in the bottom of the pan, overlapping as you go.

Spread half of the cottage cheese mixture evenly over the noodles…

Then lay 1/2 pound of mozzarella cheese slices on top of the cottage cheese mixture. This particular brand of cheese was cut very thin, so I had to double up the slices to make 1/2 pound. Don’t let this throw you off—some brands are cut thicker, and would only require a single layer of slices. NOTE: I prefer sliced mozzarella, but you can certainly use grated mozzarella if necessary.

With the spoon, make a line through the middle of the meat mixture so you’ll distribute it evenly.

Spread a little less than half of the meat mixture over the mozzarella cheese slices…

Until it’s evenly distributed.

Now it’s time to repeat the process! Add another layer of four lasagna noodles…

And top with the remaining half of the cottage cheese mixture.

Then top the cottage cheese mixture with another 1/2 pound of mozzarella.

And finish with the rest of the meat mixture.

Spread evenly.

Now grab that trusty-rusty container of good ol’ Kraft Parmesan Cheese and start sprinklin’!

Top with a pretty generous layer.

Now pop it in a 350-degree oven for 20-30 minutes, until hot and bubbly. (Alternately, you could cover and freeze it, unbaked, at this point. OR cover and refrigerate, unbaked, for up to two days before baking.)

• 1-1/2 pound Ground Beef
• 1 pound Hot Breakfast Sausage
• 2 cloves Garlic, Minced
• 2 cans (14.5 Ounce) Whole Tomatoes
• 2 cans (6 Ounce) Tomato Paste
• 2 Tablespoons Dried Parsley
• 2 Tablespoons Dried Basil
• 1 teaspoon Salt
• 3 cups Lowfat Cottage Cheese
• 2 whole Beaten Eggs
• 1/2 cup Grated (not Shredded) Parmesan Cheese
• 2 Tablespoons Dried Parsley
• 1 teaspoon Salt
• 1 pound Sliced Mozzarella Cheese
• 1 package (10 Ounce) Lasagna Noodles
• (add 1/2 Teaspoon Salt And 1 Tablespoon Olive Oil To Pasta Water)

INSTRUCTIONS

Bring a large pot of water to a boil.

Meanwhile, in a large skillet or saucepan, combine ground beef, sausage, and garlic. Cook over medium-high heat until browned. Drain half the fat; less if you’re feeling naughty. Add tomatoes, tomato paste, 2 tablespoons parsley, basil and salt. After adding the tomatoes, the sauce mixture should simmer for 45 minutes while you are working on the other steps.

In a medium bowl, mix cottage cheese, beaten eggs, grated Parmesan, 2 more tablespoons parsley, and 1 more teaspoon salt. Stir together well. Set aside. Cook lasagna until “al dente” (not overly cooked).

To assemble:
Arrange 4 cooked lasagna noodles in the bottom of a baking pan, overlapping if necessary. Spoon half the cottage cheese mixture over the noodles. Spread evenly. Cover cottage cheese with a layer of mozzarella cheese. Spoon a little less than half the meat/sauce mixture over the top.

Repeat, ending with meat/sauce mixture. Sprinkle top generously with extra Parmesan.

Either freeze, refrigerate for up to two days, or bake immediately: 350-degree oven for 20 to 30 minutes, or until top is hot and bubbly.

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